Enjoy your super well-deserved HOLIDAYS boys.You all did an amazing job so far! Have fun, stay with your families, friends and pets. Play your video games, eat and drink what you want! Get a lot of rest and relax as much as possible. We want you to come back with a BIG smile, full of enthusiasm and ready to give your best again!

You are our CHAMPIONS!

Dear Parents, Families and Friends,

Welcome back to our House Blog!

Yesterday evening we had a General House Assembly where all the Middle School Students were present. The main topic of the Assembly was to formally bring to an end the “21 days Meditation Challenge“… Do you remember? We started this challenge three weeks ago and now, 21 days later, we challenged all of our kids to discuss the positives and negatives of this new experience and also to gauge their enthusiasm and engagement.

Boys and girls meditated during these 21 days, girls twice a day and boys only at night before lights off. First positive outcome! They have obviously found the practice “challenging”… it is extremely difficult to sit still and pay attention to the breath and observe and let go of ones’ thoughts, constantly bringing back the attention on the single action that stays with us from the first moment to the last of our lives, keeping us alive. We are not used at all, especially in our days, to simply sitting and breathing… so you can imagine how hard it can be for our youngsters here! Nevertheless, we got some positive feedback from quite a few students:

• Those who meditated before breakfast reported to feel more “ready” and “attuned” with the tasks of the school day.
• Meditation before night helped some of our kids relaxing and have a better night and quality sleep.
• Most of the kids agreed on a general sense of well-being and lightness at the end of each practice.

We also got some suggestion for improvement:

• More knowledge of Meditation would have helped the students to experience a more enjoyable and effective practice.
• Other students giggling during the practice did not really help those who had a more serious commitment.

Of course we got a few comments about boredom and difficulty to stay still for “such a long time”…

We did not want to miss the opportunity to explain to our students that, certainly some of the benefits of Meditation such as training the muscle of attention, being able to refocus when the mind wonders, being able to respond rather than react etc, requires a sufficient amount of practice. However there are some immediate benefits that can be experienced in the very same moment that we stop and simply pay attention to our breath:

• Our heart rate decreases and we immediately feel more calm and relaxed. This can be used as a very effective tool before a test or when something upsets us.
• We immediately build a connection with our inner world.
• We can use the few moments it takes to notice just three or four breaths to appreciate and celebrate our lives.

This last point in particular has been the main object of our presentation. Appreciating our lives means that we learn to take care of ourselves, we understand that we deserve to be loved and we got to love ourselves in the first place.

We asked many of our kids what do you love? and we got many different replies: I love football, pizza, cars, being with friends etc etc but across all the different cultures and nationalities,we noticed that nobody is carrying knowledge of Self-Acceptance and Love towards oneself. We believe that particularly in our context these are key elements to become familiar with and eventually embody values such as Respect, Tolerance, Altruism and Compassion. For this reason we asked one of our youngest student to lead a slightly different Meditation session where he invited us to close our eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, focus our attention on our true selves and on the count of 3 say I LOVE YOU to ourself out loud.

The experiment got more thrilling when our “guide” invited us to find a partner and, going beyond his/her physical appearance say I LOVE YOU out loud to his/her true self, like you really mean it, he added!

It was simply a fantastic experience and all the giggles and laughters and embarrassments were totally natural, we are not used to these things…but we really hope that these leaders of the future will keep into their hearts these seeds of love… our planet and our species definitely need heartful leaders!

Dear Parents, Families and Friends,

Welcome back to our House Blog!

During our yesterday’s House Assembly we asked the boys to complete an Emotional Intelligence Self-Assessment. We introduced this activity by explaining how essential Self-Awareness is and will be in their lives and how this is strictly connected to the Meditation practice: in the moment that we close our eyes and we pay attention to our breath we immediately connect with our inner world and little by little we can gain the ability to explore it becoming more and more familiar with our feelings and emotions.  On the worksheet provided, 4 sets of clear and straightforward statements on Emotional Awareness, Emotional Management, Social Emotional Awareness and Relationship Management, needed to be rated.

Example:

I find it easy to share my deep feelings with others – 0 never, 1 rarely, 2 sometimes, 3 often, 4 always –

The purpose is obviously to deepen our kids’ knowledge of Meditation and show them in which way this important “tool” can be used. We firmly believe that we should all be taught from a young age that in the same way we take showers, brush our teeth and comb our hair, taking care of our bodies, it is also essential to introduce in our daily routines some short moments of awareness, where we pause, drop into our inner world and feel grateful, create some space to explore our emotions and celebrate our lives.  No doubt this is a key element to attain true Happiness and we will no doubt put all our efforts to expose our boys to these sort of messages throughout the whole school year.

We have the ability to create our own reality. For the most part, we can look at a situation and see the good or we can look at the same situation and choose to see the bad. Often times the lens we use to view what’s happening is filtered by our thoughts.

Positive thoughts create more positive circumstances. Alternatively, negative thoughts contribute to feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment. Therefore, changing our negative thoughts is essential to achieve happiness and peace.

The following are the most common negative thinking behaviors. Becoming aware of these is essential to transforming negative thoughts into positive beliefs.

1. Stay away from “all-or-nothing” thinking.
   When we slip into “all-or-nothing” thinking we see our circumstances as either black or white with not much in between. By shifting to someplace in the gray, a fresh perspective is created that helps us to realize more options do exist.To lead an emotionally healthy life we need to have balanced emotions. Words like: always, never, impossible, terrible and perfect, are rigid and allow little room for interpretation or flexibility. Instead, when we live somewhere in the middle then we are in a better position to find sturdier footing which will lead to improved balance.

   Look for the gray in these statements:

   I can be an intelligent person and still do something stupid.
   I can love my wife and still be angry with her sometimes.
   There are parts of my life I enjoy and there are parts of my life that create stress.
   My children bring me joy and they sometimes drive me crazy.

   The most important word in each sentence is and. The word and suggests a balance; it paints a shade of gray in our lives.

2. Avoid the temptation to over generalize.
   Overgeneralization is best characterized when we believe if one bad thing happens, then everything else is doomed to go poorly.Think of over generalized statements as exaggerations. For example, “You never listen to me. He always interrupts me. She always thinks she’s right. Everybody thinks I’m stupid.”

   The biggest overgeneralization red flags are words likenever, always, should or everybody.Understand an over generalized statement is another form of a negative thought. Re-think your words and reconsider the circumstance. Attempt to find something positive.

   For example, the over generalized statement of “You never listen to me.” Can be reframed to, “There have been times in the past when you were very attentive and I felt as though you heard me. At this moment, however, I’m experiencing you as not being interested in what I have to say.”

   The second statement is more truthful and less exaggerated. As a result, a more positive outcome can be expected.

3. Would you rather be right or happy?
   I can be very stubborn. At times my stubbornness has cost me. It has caused me to miss the opportunity to accept an apology or consider a different point-of-view. I was more determined to be right than to be happy.The need to be right cultivates more negative thoughts because of our unwillingness to let go of whatever the issue was in the first place. To find some peace and happiness, sometimes we just need to let it go.
4. Change your mental filter.
   Persistent pessimism can develop into a habit if we are not careful. Left unattended, chronic negative thinking can begin to shape the way we see the world. The glass will always be half-empty, for example.We can begin to change our mental filter by allowing positive thoughts to sift through it too. Try to see the good in every circumstance. A long line at the grocery store is a wonderful opportunity to chat with your partner or child; a stressful time at work will give you a better chance to realize the inner strength you possess; and the world’s current economy is a great time to get back to developing and maintaining a budget for your personal expenses.

   The adage, “When God hands you lemons; make lemonade,” is the perfect reminder to be aware of the mental filter we use and the importance to transform it from a negative one to something more positive.

5. Watch your tendency for jumping to conclusions.
   When confronted with what might appear to be an unwelcomed circumstance, consider taking a deep breath; a full step back, to look at the event at a more holistic level in order to get all of the information.In my house, Mary Beth and I have an expression we use with our children: “What’s the rest of the story?” When they come home with a failing grade and begin to blame the teacher, we ask, “What’s the rest of the story?”

   Often times we learn there was little effort put into studying or there was missing work that contributed to the poor grade. The point is we don’t take much at face value until we seek a better understanding of really what’s happening.

   Even with more serious issues, my wife and I have find by falling back to this question provides us with a better opportunity to see the whole picture. This additional information is invaluable when it comes to how we react and respond.

   By asking, “What’s the rest of the story,” we are in a better position to monitor our negative thoughts and keep them from trumping what is really going on. The clarity we gain empowers us to have a more rational and positive reaction.

6. Don’t should on yourself.
   When we should on ourselves we are issuing negative judgments about our actions and behaviors.Consider the following statements: “I should be a better parent; I should be making more money, and I should be happier.”

   These should statements suggest our current status is not good enough. These thoughts are negative and prevent us from seeing what is positive. Should statements put our thoughts and attitudes in a box and constrain us from seeing other solutions. Remember, it’s a matter of balance.

   We can be a good parent without having to be a perfect parent; we can provide for our families, financially, and still possess the desire to earn more; and we can be happy with all we have and continue to look for ways to bring more happiness into our lives.

7. Be aware of emotional reasoning.
   Not many of us are like the character Spock from Star Trek who is consistently logical and rational no matter the circumstance. Even though we often have a rational response to a difficult event, we also have a tendency to slip into emotional reasoning when confronted with an especially challenging situation.A good example of emotional reasoning goes something like, “I feel shame therefore I must be a bad person.” On the contrary, there are many very good people who feel shame – like all of us.

   Just because we are experiencing a certain uncomfortable emotion doesn’t mean our character, our soul, has been downgraded. It just means for that moment, in that small space of time, we feel a certain way about ourselves.

   When we allow ourselves to be human and give our spirit the grace and mercy it deserves, we are in a better position to reframe self-limiting thoughts and keep them from manifesting to the point they begin to define who we are.

8. Try not to take everything personally.
   It may be hard to hear, but not everything is about you and not everything is about me, either. Fear, paranoia and perhaps a measure of insecurity can lead us to believe the way other people react, or the things they say, are directed to us. Sometimes people are insensitive, judgmental or just plain in a bad mood.One of my biggest challenges is when a person makes a negative comment about one of my projects, is to keep my temptation in check and not internalize the comment. What I often hear is I’m not good or effective – not the project.

   What I hear is also rooted in old, negative tapes playing my head. My task, then, is to replace these old tapes with newer, more positive ones that suggests I’m capable, well-meaning and successful regardless of what someone might say.

9. Dial back from magnifying a problem.
   There is perception and then there is reality. Our negative thoughts start to churn when we confuse the two.Seeing a situation for what it really is, instead of what it feels like can help us stay grounded. Magnifying a problem only gives the problem more energy and provides the opportunity for the situation to become larger than it was ever intended to be.

   My wife and I have been challenged by some of the recent decisions our younger son has made. While Andrew is a moral and well-intentioned young man, like any 17-year-old, he has been making some questionable choices. Rather than assuming our son is heading down an irreversible path, our approach has been to increase our communication with him and offer a dose of empathy and support as well as some needed direction.

   The results have been productive – especially for Andrew. Mary Beth and I elected to focus on the positive aspects of our son. We addressed the problem with the intensity it deserved and did not allow our anger or fear to guide us.

   Not that we do everything right with our children (trust me, we have made plenty of mistakes), but in this situation we made the conscious decision to deal with the facts and not allow our negative thoughts or emotions to get in the way.

10. Celebrate.
    Celebrate the good things when they happen. Don’t simply dismiss them or minimize them.There is no question some days have a few setbacks, a couple of obstacles and sometimes pain. There are even some days when we feel as though someone has emptied our hearts of the passion and strength we need for life. So, on the days we are blessed and have positive things happen, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem, allow yourself the time to enjoy them and then be filled back up by them.

    Like attracts like. Positive thoughts and happiness create more of the same.